Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Word of the Day: Eleemosynary

I moved into my new apartment. The nice thing is it is closer to school and the community is very much like old China. The bad thing is, I don't know anyone and my apartment scares me. I feel more alone in it then I've ever felt on my own....perhaps this will improve.

I also don't have internet at home so I'm typing this at school (at an ungodly hour). This means no more pics till I go back to the US :/

On another note, I've taught 18 hours in the last two days (no one should ever teach that much). My voice is almost gone but I hope it is all worth it cause I'm leaving for Shenzhen, Hong Kong, and Taiwan today. I'm excited and I'll write more when I get back

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Happy Valley


The amusement park (like all of China) is defined by it's large crowds but it has a particularly vicious nature. People nonchalantly cut in front of each other and sweat lingers like the acrid smell permeating the air. Though I'm thankful for the experience, I hope to never do it again. The four hour wait for one ride completely dissolved my desire to do much else for awhile...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

What Goes Down Must Come Up?


Things are looking better:
1. James found me a new apartment and I'm gearing to move out Sunday
2. My nasty cough has capitulated James to give me a morning off today "to rest"...and I have to say I needed it.
3. I'm going to Beijing on Saturday with three of my students...to the amusement park...we'll see how that goes.
4. Tomorrow is test day where I give oral exams to my students...all I have to do is ask questions so it will be an easy day...perhaps I can finally rid myself of this cough.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Horrible Day Cont.

OK. So I have been living with my uncle and I found out today that he wants me out of his house by the end of the month. This mainly happened because he and my dad had a falling out but this couldn't have come at a worse time. I scheduled to fly to Shenzhen/Hong Kong next Wednesday so now, I have 8 days to find a new place for one month, pack my stuff, and move. I'm going to go to sleep and pretend this didn't happen.

Dear Students From Hell

I hate that you never cease to ruin my day. You are like a mosquito...predictably bad, constantly annoying, and ugly. I hate teaching you. I hate your blank face and stuttering words. I hate your lack of enthusiasm...your cell-phones texts under the table, and the way you ask innocently to "go to toilet". Go already. I will not hold you back. I hate you so much I won't even fail you because I know I might have you again if you fail.

Perhaps I should punish you for making me feel this way but instead I punish myself. I hold you after class thinking next time you will actually do what I say. I give you homework hoping you might review 1% of what I've taught but still you don't know the difference between advantage and disadvantage.

Today I watched the clock tick slowly as you searched your puny brain for the answer to a simple question:

M- What should you consider when looking for a job?
Y- I don't know...I don't consider job
M- OK, what do you think is more important, work environment or work location?
Y- Huh location?
M- Fine, what is your ideal job?
Y- CEO
M- Why?
Y- CEO...I CEO suit I

No sweetie. You don't. You are only alive because your parents are rich and sends you to this "training school". You have no thought of your own...no opinions, and even trying hurts your brain. Please, just continue eating in my class. I forgive you. I know that eating and sleeping is all you can do.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Qingdao


Today I'm in Qingdao which for me is a mix of SLC, LA, and Tianjin. I really should have stayed home to rest because I'm still battling a cold but in a way, I'm glad to have come...and I'm glad I came alone. I think school was beginning to feel overwhelming and with Brian gone, a sense of sadness eats at my heart. I don't really know why I've been so sad lately. Perhaps it's the depression of a flu or the realization that this must all end soon...but Qingdao relaxes me. The orange and blue workers dotting the streets and the Chinese kites in the air remind me of all the things I love here. White cascading waves hit and lick at my memories of Santa Monica and the warm embrace of Lao Shan remind me of home/family. Soon all this will end and I will again be back to reality but for now, the warm sun and soft sand smooth away the grief and restores my optimism for life.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Midnight Thoughts


As I near the end of my adventures here in China, I can't help but feel a sense of urgency. There is so much I haven't done and still want to do. Yet, I find myself deeply nostalgic about my old life, old friends, and things that I left behind.

Perhaps all this is brought on by my recent illness, yet in the midst of bad health and a horrible work week, I have come to appreciate what I have....good friends, a wonderful family, and a naive sense of security.

A year ago, I don't think I would have been ready for the challenges of grad school or the reality of an unknown future but China has been a magical barrier. It has shielded me from the extremes of a grueling application process and it has comforted me in my deepest time of need. Mostly though, China has allowed me to look at myself from a distance and to find an inner peace for whom I must become. I feel more mature, more independent, and somehow more aware of how the world works.

I will be immensely sorry to take off this cloak of surrealism but peeking at the other side, I feel life won't be so bad. For now though, I'm bless to hide a little longer...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Good Class

There is no better feeling for a teacher then a class that tries and I have such a class this term. they are of all ages and their enthusiasm feeds my own. I find myself spending hours creating games to drive home words they learned and I'm actually happy.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Parents

I read a chapter in Howard Brown's Familiar Faces Hidden Lives about gay men and their parents back in the 1980s. I can't help but wonder if my dad would still love me if I am gay. I think Brown is right in saying that for some family a child's "coming out" is the ultimate test of their family bond. I wonder what my dad would do...

I use to doubt my dad's love for me as most Asian children do. After all, our common subject of conversation is school/success. Hence, many of us grow up fearing failure. I think it makes us meek, unadventurous, and dull. Case in point: 100% of my current students never went to more then 2 cities in China, 65% still live at home with their parents, 5% admits that they aren't sure whether going abroad is the right choice for them, and 50% will probably never survive on their own anyways.

Hence, I'm glad my father was liberal enough to let me go when I pulled the ropes. Some parents wrap their children so tight they suffocate....at least, I have the freedom to move around.