Good Class

There is no better feeling for a teacher then a class that tries and I have such a class this term. they are of all ages and their enthusiasm feeds my own. I find myself spending hours creating games to drive home words they learned and I'm actually happy.

Parents

I read a chapter in Howard Brown's Familiar Faces Hidden Lives about gay men and their parents back in the 1980s. I can't help but wonder if my dad would still love me if I am gay. I think Brown is right in saying that for some family a child's "coming out" is the ultimate test of their family bond. I wonder what my dad would do...

I use to doubt my dad's love for me as most Asian children do. After all, our common subject of conversation is school/success. Hence, many of us grow up fearing failure. I think it makes us meek, unadventurous, and dull. Case in point: 100% of my current students never went to more then 2 cities in China, 65% still live at home with their parents, 5% admits that they aren't sure whether going abroad is the right choice for them, and 50% will probably never survive on their own anyways.

Hence, I'm glad my father was liberal enough to let me go when I pulled the ropes. Some parents wrap their children so tight they suffocate....at least, I have the freedom to move around.

Decisions

So I ended up getting into several MD schools and the U of U's MD/PhD program. Today, I accepted the U of U's offer. I still don't really have the heart to tell USC or Mayo my decisions but I think I'll be happy with this outcome.

Having lived aboard so long, I know the importance of family so I want to be somewhat close to home. I want to see the baby grow, to share in Lilly's senior year, and I think deep down, I'm not a big city girl.

I do have my reservations though. I'm uneasy about the homogenous nature of Utah and my future prospects there (both socially and academically). I fear 8 more years of school and I worry my research might fail.

In making this decision, I have opened up another world of worries...here are a few:

1) Where do I live? Should I return to my parent's home or find a place to call my own?
2) Who do I want to work with? Should I do the same ophthamology research I've been doing for years or should I try to elbow my way into a new field.
3) Will I have any friends? Will any of them be unmarried?
4) Do I need to start preparing for the board exam this year?
5) Why did they not list me as a Utah resident?
6) How will I get back to Utah for the June 1st start date when my contract here ends on May 31st?
7) Can I possibily fulfill the expectations of people around me? Can I even fulfill my own expectations
8) How will I integrate back into American life/being a student?

Hair Conditioner

I found out today how to get hair conditioner in China. I can't believe I've lived so many month without it but here's a list of other things I've missed/now have:

1. Cereal...Honey Bunches of Oats (I packed many boxes before I came and I'm almost out)
2. Tampons
3. Mint lip balm
4. Book/Magazines in English
5. YouTube
6. Glide Floss
7. Fettucini Alfredo
8. Nachos
9. Hanes underwear
10. Beaches/Mountains

Birthday

Somehow I always want a nice birthday but I think my expectations are always too high. This year, I tried very hard to expect nothing but still...I found myself crying when friends/family forgot. Sigh...I can be such a baby sometimes.

Things I learned this month

1. There is no difference between a hard sleeper and a soft sleeper...they are both hard
2. Chinese trains have electric plugs for your computer but only on the aisle row.
3. I no longer fear cars when I bike...this is really bad
4. Chinese citizens fear and cheat their own government. Taxi drivers run the meter for friends to get tax deductions. Restaurant owners give free drinks instead of receipts so they don't have to report the service. Yet, it's controlled defiance. to be able to do good and bad is the basis of personal freedom and I think the Chinese government knows this so they give people the illusion they need. Perhaps in cheating the government out of little things, the people feel a sense of guilt and fear...hence there are no greater forms of dissension within the masses. Someday, when I'm old, I will write more on my views.
5. I can easily get fat here and easily get lung cancer.

Xian

Since I've been back, I've felt a sense of urgency to travel. I realize that I haven't traveled enough so I went to Xian with Paul...or rather...he went with me. Paul is one of the new foreign teachers from Manchester. He has a very heavy accent so sometimes, it is hard for me to understand him but never-the-less, I was pleased to have his company.

I guess I should insert here that we have three new teachers: Paula from Manchester, David from the US, and Taj from Tianjin. They are all relatively young and unattached (by this, I mean not married) so it's nice.

Anyways, Paul and I did the traditional Xian tour...terracotta warriors, goose pagoda, Muslim quarters, and the wall (one of the only remaining city walls). I was surprised by how accurate online information was concerning buses to and from various places. Now that I have more experience planning/traveling, I think I will have to do more in the future.

Above are some pictures and below is a video from the trip....next up Shanghai, Beijing, and hopefully Qingdao/Guilin.